Addressed "No Dam University"
Dear Bob,
Your last letter was very interesting, and I'm glad to see you are doing so well. I don't know all my marks yet, but I have a C+ in English and History. Our marking system runs A, B, C+, C -, D and E with five points for A and none for E. I expect to get three other hook - pluses, which will give me a 3.0 average, not too bad, but it could be a lot better.
But let us turn from this discussion to the recounting of some of the incidents and lessons I experienced at the country's biggest, most famous, and wildest college weekend - - Winter Carnival.
I had a wonderful time. It was really great having a girl up here; after one's date leaves, the campus is never the same. M. was fairly "snowed " by the place.
Friday evening I was very much out of it (Vodka and Collins mix 1 : 1 is a potent drink). M. had only two drinks the whole time she was here (the prude). I was, seriously, happy to see she doesn't let herself go when restrictions are removed from her. ( I was? ) She lived up to my expectations of her rather well.
Besides providing me with a very enjoyable time, Carnival has made me an even more confirmed bachelor. You may know that I intend to marry a girl that, a) approaches my idea of perfection, and b) likes me. Previous to Carnival I had considered M. the closest proximity to that non-existent person, but during Carnival I learned a) she does not approach my idea of perfection b) she doesn't like me.
Here are some of the things I noticed about her during that fabulous weekend.
She is very indiscreet. At dinner with dozens of atheists, Jews, Masons, and Protestants around us, she crossed herself, said the prayer before the meal and crossed herself again. I will not argue with you about the religious aspects of this action (I respect her very much for her
religious convictions), but I think you will agree that such a thing is very indiscreet. She could have just bowed her head and said the prayer.
Her feet get cold too fast (that is, when we're out walking). Once her feet get cold, she becomes very obstinate and uncooperative (still while walking).
She gets tired too soon. (By that I mean she doesn't like to travel a long distance.)
She's too emotional ( in her reasoning, that is). To me she showed no emotion at all, unless you call letting me massage her back a show of tender emotions!
In her letters, she shows a complete lack of understanding of men. She just doesn't have the enthusiasm some girls have.
She likes to get her way and uses all crafts at her disposal to accomplish this.
She doesn't think. She twice started to call me John (damn that name)! Here's a sample of a typical conversation late in the evening after a busy day.
I: "Right now I'd like to be in my bed between the nice warm sheets".
(said very innocently by the way).
She: "That's where I'd like to be now too".
And of course, most important of all, she doesn't like me. I don't have to give you any reasons for this statement, for I'm sure you know that when somebody doesn't like one, one can usually tell.
Despite all these faults, just having a girl up here was wonderful, and I think it was well worth it.
I hope you will write soon, some night when you're not forced to go to a football rally.
I'll close this lengthy letter with these words of doom Q to QR4.
Tom
Monday, May 28, 2012
November 25, 1956
Dear Thom,
I did fairly well in my midterms except for math which as you know, has plagued me from the beginning. My midterm average is only 80, but that is not too bad for a first year, midterm average at Notre Dame. Out of 450 freshmen Commerce students, 400 are flunking one subject and 350 are flunking two subjects. It is still up in the air whether or not I will receive a pink flunking slip in math for the half. The slips come out tomorrow and I soon will know.
You're getting horny? I've reached the gnawing-on-the-woodwork stage.
I did get home for Thanksgiving Day itself, but that was all.
I suppose the glaciers have moved in up there by now. There are a few inches of snow on the ground down here.
I'm not surprised that you left G. by the wayside. You know my opinion of her. My high opinion of high school fuzz still remains the same, however. Who needs intellectual stimulation?
As for our football team, we are clearly victims of circumstances. At least we are not a "football factory" as Dartmouth appears to be. You certainly had your nerve, humbling poor Princeton 19 to 0. That's not cricket, you know. Of course not, it's football, but I still wager that Princeton men will not speak to Dartmouth men for seven generations - - at least . Marriages will be
broken up, civil wars will devastate the land - - brothers against sisters (heh, heh), etc.
I trust you had fun traveling in the historic footsteps of Ethan Allen and his Green Mt. Boys. Find any redcoats, eh?
I will anxiously await your next letter. We are getting out for Christmas after classes on the 19th of December.
Your truly,
Bob
KB to GN3
ha, ha, and ho
I did fairly well in my midterms except for math which as you know, has plagued me from the beginning. My midterm average is only 80, but that is not too bad for a first year, midterm average at Notre Dame. Out of 450 freshmen Commerce students, 400 are flunking one subject and 350 are flunking two subjects. It is still up in the air whether or not I will receive a pink flunking slip in math for the half. The slips come out tomorrow and I soon will know.
You're getting horny? I've reached the gnawing-on-the-woodwork stage.
I did get home for Thanksgiving Day itself, but that was all.
I suppose the glaciers have moved in up there by now. There are a few inches of snow on the ground down here.
I'm not surprised that you left G. by the wayside. You know my opinion of her. My high opinion of high school fuzz still remains the same, however. Who needs intellectual stimulation?
As for our football team, we are clearly victims of circumstances. At least we are not a "football factory" as Dartmouth appears to be. You certainly had your nerve, humbling poor Princeton 19 to 0. That's not cricket, you know. Of course not, it's football, but I still wager that Princeton men will not speak to Dartmouth men for seven generations - - at least . Marriages will be
broken up, civil wars will devastate the land - - brothers against sisters (heh, heh), etc.
I trust you had fun traveling in the historic footsteps of Ethan Allen and his Green Mt. Boys. Find any redcoats, eh?
I will anxiously await your next letter. We are getting out for Christmas after classes on the 19th of December.
Your truly,
Bob
KB to GN3
ha, ha, and ho
Monday, May 21, 2012
November 15, 1956
Dear Bob,
I hope you did all right in your mid-terms. I myself just got through with my hour exams. Now I won't have hour exams until after Thanksgiving. Big deal! I didn't do too well on the exams returned to me so far. History--B, Classical Civilization--B, and on a German vocab exam I knew 24 of 70 words!
The only thing I didn't like about my trip to Chicago was the fact that I didn't have time to go on a date. (I'm getting pretty horny.) I love flying, as you know, and it was nice to see the old town. It certainly is a change after being in God's country for a month and a half.
On the way back I had a most pleasant experience. I met a very nice girl from Springfield College (Mass), and I hope to date her a few times and maybe ask her up here for Carnival. What happened to G. you ask? After being a college man for almost two months I have found high school girls too immature. I find they lack the intellectual stimulation, poise, and figures of college girls. Of course when I get back to Chicago I may date high school girls, but this is just because i don't know any female college students from Chicago.
I'd ask how your football team is doing, but I don't think you'd admit to having one.
We had some snow last night, but today it is sunny and warm.
I plan to take a little hike into Vermont over the Thanksgiving holidays. I suppose you'll be going home. I'll think of you among the bleak buildings and the denuded trees of Chicago while I'm wending my way among the beautiful green hills of Vermont.
Tom
QP to Q4
ha ha
I hope you did all right in your mid-terms. I myself just got through with my hour exams. Now I won't have hour exams until after Thanksgiving. Big deal! I didn't do too well on the exams returned to me so far. History--B, Classical Civilization--B, and on a German vocab exam I knew 24 of 70 words!
The only thing I didn't like about my trip to Chicago was the fact that I didn't have time to go on a date. (I'm getting pretty horny.) I love flying, as you know, and it was nice to see the old town. It certainly is a change after being in God's country for a month and a half.
On the way back I had a most pleasant experience. I met a very nice girl from Springfield College (Mass), and I hope to date her a few times and maybe ask her up here for Carnival. What happened to G. you ask? After being a college man for almost two months I have found high school girls too immature. I find they lack the intellectual stimulation, poise, and figures of college girls. Of course when I get back to Chicago I may date high school girls, but this is just because i don't know any female college students from Chicago.
I'd ask how your football team is doing, but I don't think you'd admit to having one.
We had some snow last night, but today it is sunny and warm.
I plan to take a little hike into Vermont over the Thanksgiving holidays. I suppose you'll be going home. I'll think of you among the bleak buildings and the denuded trees of Chicago while I'm wending my way among the beautiful green hills of Vermont.
Tom
QP to Q4
ha ha
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