February 14, 1957

Addressed "No Dam University"

Dear Bob,

Your last letter was very interesting, and I'm glad to see you are doing so well.  I don't know all my marks yet, but I have a C+ in English and History.  Our marking system runs  A, B, C+, C -, D and E with five points for A and none for E.  I expect to get three other hook - pluses, which will give me a 3.0 average, not too bad, but it could be a lot better.

But let us turn from this discussion to the recounting of some of the incidents and lessons I experienced at the country's biggest, most famous, and wildest college weekend - - Winter Carnival.

I had a wonderful time.  It was really great having a girl up here;  after one's date leaves, the campus is never the same.  M. was fairly "snowed " by the place.

Friday evening I was very much out of it (Vodka and Collins mix 1 : 1 is a potent drink).  M. had only two drinks the whole time she was here (the prude).  I was, seriously, happy to see she doesn't let herself go when restrictions are removed from her.  ( I was? )  She lived up to my expectations of her rather well.

Besides providing me with a very enjoyable time, Carnival has made me an even more confirmed bachelor.  You may know that I intend to marry a girl that,  a) approaches  my idea of perfection, and  b) likes me.  Previous to Carnival I had considered M. the closest proximity to that non-existent person, but during Carnival I learned  a) she does not approach my idea of perfection  b) she doesn't like me.

Here are some of the things I noticed about her during that fabulous weekend.

She is very indiscreet.  At dinner with dozens of atheists, Jews, Masons, and Protestants around us, she crossed herself, said the prayer before the meal and crossed herself again.  I will not argue with you about the religious aspects of this action  (I respect her very much for her
religious convictions), but I think you will agree that such a thing is very indiscreet.  She could have just bowed her head and said the prayer.

Her feet get cold too fast (that is, when we're out walking).  Once her feet get cold, she becomes very obstinate and uncooperative (still while walking).

She gets tired too soon.  (By that I mean she doesn't like to travel a long distance.)

She's too emotional ( in her reasoning, that is).  To me she showed no emotion at all,  unless you call letting me massage her back a show of tender emotions!

In her letters, she shows a complete lack of understanding of men.  She just doesn't have the enthusiasm some girls have.

She likes to get her way and uses all crafts at her disposal to accomplish this.

She doesn't think.  She twice started to call me John (damn that name)!  Here's a sample of a typical conversation late in the evening after a busy day.

          I:     "Right now I'd like to be in my bed between the nice warm sheets".
                  (said very innocently by the way).

         She:  "That's where I'd like to be now too".

And of course, most important of all, she doesn't like me.  I don't have to give you any reasons for this statement, for I'm sure you know that when somebody doesn't like one, one can usually tell.

Despite all  these faults, just having a girl up here was wonderful, and I think it was well worth it.

I hope you will write soon, some night when you're not forced to go to a football rally.

I'll close this lengthy letter with these words of doom Q to QR4.

Tom

November 25, 1956

Dear Thom,

I did fairly well in my midterms except for math which as you know, has plagued me from the beginning.  My midterm average is only 80, but that is not too bad for a first year, midterm average at Notre Dame.  Out of 450 freshmen Commerce students, 400 are flunking one subject and 350 are flunking two subjects.  It is still up in the air whether or not I will receive a pink flunking slip in math for the half.  The slips come out tomorrow and I soon will know.

You're getting horny?  I've reached the gnawing-on-the-woodwork stage.

I did get home for Thanksgiving Day itself, but that was all.

I suppose the glaciers have moved in up there by now.  There are a few inches of snow on the ground down here.

I'm not surprised that you left G. by the wayside.  You know my opinion of her.  My high opinion of high school fuzz still remains the same, however.  Who needs intellectual stimulation?

As for our football team, we are clearly victims of circumstances.  At least we are not a "football factory" as Dartmouth appears to be.  You certainly had your nerve, humbling poor Princeton 19 to 0.  That's not cricket, you know.  Of course not, it's football, but I still wager that Princeton men will not speak to Dartmouth men for seven generations  - - at least .  Marriages will be
broken up, civil wars will devastate the land - - brothers against sisters (heh, heh), etc.

I trust you had fun traveling in the historic footsteps of Ethan Allen and his Green Mt. Boys.  Find any redcoats, eh?

I will anxiously await your next letter.  We are getting out for Christmas after classes on the 19th of December.

Your truly,

Bob

KB to GN3

ha, ha, and ho

November 15, 1956

Dear Bob,

I hope you did all right in your mid-terms.  I myself just got through with my hour exams.  Now I won't have hour exams until after Thanksgiving.  Big deal!  I didn't do too well on the exams returned to me so far.  History--B, Classical Civilization--B, and on a German vocab exam I knew 24 of 70 words!

The only thing I didn't like about my trip to Chicago was the fact that I didn't have time to go on a date.  (I'm getting pretty horny.)  I love flying, as you know, and it was nice to see the old town.  It certainly is a change after being in God's country for a month and a half.

On the way back I had a most pleasant experience.  I met a very nice girl from Springfield College (Mass), and I hope to date her a few times and maybe ask her up here for Carnival.  What happened to G. you ask?  After being a college man for almost two months I have found high school girls too immature.  I find they lack the intellectual stimulation, poise, and figures of college girls.  Of course when I get back to Chicago I may date high school girls, but this is just because i don't know any female college students from Chicago.

I'd ask how your football team is doing, but I don't think you'd admit to having one.

We had some snow last night, but today it is sunny and warm.

I plan to take a little hike into Vermont over the Thanksgiving holidays.  I suppose you'll be going home.  I'll think of you among the bleak buildings and the denuded trees of Chicago while I'm wending my way among the beautiful green hills of Vermont.

Tom

QP to Q4

ha ha

November 8, 1956

Dear Thom,

Mid-terms are coming up and I have no time to write you a complete letter.  I hope you had a good time on your trip to Chicago.  I would have liked to come in also, but it was impossible.

Write me if you have time.  I probably won't be able to write a letter until Thanksgiving but postcards are no trouble at all.

Bob

KB to QB4

October 30, 1956

Dear Bob,

Here I am again after a busy weekend down at Harvard.  I see you lost too, what is happening to the N.D. football teams?

I didn't care too much for Harvard's campus.  It's right in the city and isn't 1/10th as nice as ours is.  As a friend of mine put it, their buildings look more like old factories.  The arrangement of the campus conveys a feeling of diversity, while the campi of D. and N.D. tend to convey unity.

I walked around Boston for a few hours (accepted practice), but didn't see enough of the Hub to make a critical judgement

The Commons of Boston is very beautiful, and I noticed two things about it which might interest you (there go the mules):  a) the trash receptacles in the Commons are placed in three feet high plaster replicas of a hollowed-out tree stump:  and b) each  and every tree in the  Commons has on it a metal plate giving its Latin and common names.  I thought you as a naturalist would be especially interested in "b".

What do you mean by saying the hazing is hard.  All we 60s have to do is wear beanies, have name badges, carry furniture and beat rugs for upperclassmen, and build bonfires before the home football games.

I think I should give you some insight into the character of Dartmouth.  I'll start by describing the cover of the Dartmouth-Harvard football game program.  There is a drawing of John Harvard
standing by, watching the Dartmouth Indian paint the roof of John's most revered building green.  As you may have guessed, green is our school color.

In a recent edition of a women's college newsletter this definition of a Dartmouth man appeared:  One who can't count to 70 without smiling (what comes before 70).

Quite in vogue is a banner that bears the inscription "when better women are made,
Dartmouth men will make them".

A song sang around here a lot is "Dartmouth's in Town Again".  While it is not the official college song, it is easily the most popular.  In my rendition I will disguise certain words in case you want to show it to your mother, also I am afraid of being prosecuted for transmitting lewd
material through the mails.  Thus:

Dartmouth's in town again, run girls run.

Dartmouth's in town again, fun girls fun.

Our stants are preaming hot,

We'll give you all we've got.

Rigins are our meat, vape! vape! vape!

Down from the hills we come, surge on, surge!

Mucking like Dartmouth men.

We've got the biologic urge.

Dartmouth's in town again.

Quite a school!

You in your closely guarded retreat may have heard some stories about the important rule sex and alcoholic beverages play in the education of an Ivy League man.  Well those stories are true.  Of course I have used discretion and have indulged in the latter on only two occasions.  It's amazing how easy it is to obtain liquor here.  Just last Friday I went in and bought a six-pack without any trouble whatsoever.  Don't get me wrong!  I don't get soused every night.  I'm a social drinker and have a few cans when I go to a party.  If I wanted to I could probably go to a beer blast every weekend, but I don't want to make it a habit.

Too bad about girls not being allowed in your dorms.  They can come in ours, but have to be out by a certain time.

I'm flying into Chicago for the weekend of the 2nd.  I have to attend a conference of the United Steelworkers of America, Dist. 31, the organization that gave me the $3000 scholarship.  I want to go on a date late Saturday night and maybe to Mt. Carmel's football game.  I'll call your house Sat. to see if you're in town for I don't think there'll be enough time for you to answer by mail.

I have to study for my hour exams now, so goodbye.

Tom

My chess move KN - KB3 same as yours.

October 20, 1956

Dear Thom,

It is another dod gam football weekend here.  I have just gotten over an attack of cold
germs, and the weather here is cold, damp, moist, sloppy, and downright detestable.
The girls are not discernible, and life in general is hell.  Outside of the above-mentioned
problems, all is well.

To keep up with my studies, I have taken to rising at 5 A.M.  This unnerves my roommates
no end, but it can't be helped.  The very fact that you are reading this letter is a proof that I
finally caught up on my studies enough to write it.

M.J. has been coming down for the last two home games, but, since no females are
allowed in our hall, she hasn't given me much trouble.  However, she besieges poor F.
in his little room and is driving him nutz.  F. was trapped into taking her to the "Victory?"
dance last week, and things went normally.  F. was P.O.'d.

Your friend and mine, D.P., came down here a few weeks ago looking like the little man
who built his house on sand.  He and C. are theoretically on the mend (she came with him,
if that's worth anything), but I can see a schism coming.  The Goulder noticed D's
precarious position too, and he commented at great length on it.

I saw "War and Peace" last Tuesday.  My only comment is that there was  more "Piece"
than War.   Audrey was very good as usual.

I wrote to "Wild" D.J., and he reports that all is well with the St. Mary's boys.  He is
threatening to send you a letter, but don't let it worry you.  G. also vows he will send you
a letter.  Don't hold your breath until it comes.........you know the Goulder.

I met a fellow here from New Jersey, near Princeton, named J.T., he tells me that all
his friends went to Dartmouth and that the hazing is fairly hard.  He said that in the
middle of winter the Dartmouth fellows would come home for a weekend, run around
in their T-shirts and complain about the hot weather.

Chess move:  KN - KB3

Yours truly,

Bob-o

October 4, 1956

Dear Bob,

I'm sorry I didn't write sooner, but being in college yourself, you know how it is.  I was
very glad to receive your correspondence, for you know what a nice feeling it is to
receive mail from "home".

This letter is accompanied by the second of the series, "Life on the American Scene".
Note the conventional (green) shutters, the brick wall, the climbing ivy, the unopened
Blatz bottle and the opened Hamm's can.  This is probably the most common sight
I see here.  Notice the bottle is on the outside of the window.  This is not to keep the
the amber liquid out of the reach of reveling roommates.  As you may know, it sometimes
gets rather chilly up here and the temperature is usually sufficiently low to keep the life
blood of the school at a thirst-quenching temperature.  (Know of any other school in which
each room is provided with an ice box?)  Don't get the wrong idea!  The school authorities
don't encourage drinking, they even prohibit it---------between 1 & 10 in the morning.  Most
guys have to go to bed early and sleep late or go crazy. it really isn't that bad though, and
I've only had one can of beer since I've been here.

As you may or may not have read our football team (we have one) beat
U. of N.H. 13 - 0.  We 60s had to build a monstrous bonfire Friday evening.  It
was conical-shaped, 40' in diam. and 35' high.  The flames were 100' high and
the fire didn't go out completely until late Sat. morning.  Incidentally we built it
right in the middle of the college green.  There was no sacking of the town or
attacking of elderly women.

I also experienced the forced mass rallies you talk about.  On the Freshman Outing
we were marched out of our cabins at 1 in the morn. and make to stand outside (one
guy had on only a supporter) and sing school songs.

There aren't many girls in town;  in fact there's only one good-looking one I know of.
On the weekends, though, especially football weekends, those who can afford it
usually have girls up here.  (that "have" can be taken in its usually used meaning and
also in the Aldous Huxley "Brave New World" connotation.)

Saturday night I'm going to Smith college, 100 miles distant, to a mixer.  I'll report later.

I've joined the paper here too, but I haven't received any assignments.

I'll be anxiously awaiting a letter from you, so write soon.

Tom



P.S.  My move is King's Pawn to King 4.  Buy yourself a dictionary or stop typing
your letters.

September 23, 1956

Dear Tom,

I received your essay on "The Ways and Wherefores of Greater New York" a few days
ago.  It must have arrived a day after I left.  My family forwarded it along with many words
of wisdom as to how I should conduct myself.

I am in a 3-man room.  One of my roomies comes from Parkersburg, W. Va., the other
from Chicago Hts.  The latter went to Bloom and knows Galkowski's  girl friend.

I know now where the old N.D. spirit comes from.  They drill it into you.   At the campus
shopping center, which contains 300 students at any given time, the N.D. victory march
is continually played over the public address system.  It really sounds strange, that one
record over and over and over again.

And the pep rallies are really something to behold.  About half an hour before the rally,
the band accompanied by a legion of strong-armed men, marches from hall to hall.
The band assumes a threatening pose next to your building and proceeds to shatter
your windows with a cacophonous rendition of the victory march (as if we hadn't heard
it enough).  Just as your windows are disintegrating, a thunderous knocking begins at
your door.  You race for the door but you are not quick enough.  The oaken rail-road tie
annihilates your door and seventeen burly upper-classmen rush in through the aperture.
You are flung headlong into the cold night air where you are caught up in the crowd
headed toward the gym.  Inside the gym, which can hold 5,000 students and does on
this night, you find everyone in an orgy of excitement.  Coach Brennan and his well-oiled,
well-fed  automatons enter and in an instant 5,000 average American boys are
transformed into 5,000 football-crazed maniacs.  Thousands are trampled in a desperate
effort to get closer to god.  Those fellows were so hopped-up at the end of that rally that
they would have sacked and looted South Bend if god-almighty Terrance had hinted to
that effect.  The rally didn't seem to do much good though, for as you already know we did
not emerge victorious.  There  were 4,000 fellows watching the game in the drill hall on
closed-circuit, big screen T.V., and they nearly wrecked the place in their rage when
we lost.  they kicked over their chairs, smashed pop bottles, and turned the air blue
with exclamatory phrases, but to no avail.  Ah well, we will play again.

I suppose we had better start our chess game.  I'll take the white, which has the first move,
and you of necessity will take the black.

Why don't you write to Wipper-Will?  I would but I do not know his address.  If we
could contact him, it would complete the ring of contacts.

I haven't had much on my radio besides the local stations.  The reception is poor and I
haven't much time.

Girls can be found in great profusion in South Bend on Saturday nights.  It is very easy
to be picked up.  All you do is walk up and down the streets and they drive up in their
cars.  I have yet to try this, but fellows in my hall have met with great success.

I think I will write J and H. if I have time.  I've been up here only a week and already I'm
going nutz.  O. is already loopy, completely out of it.  College really is a big change, but
I'm not sorry that I made it.  All the rest of the Carmel guys seem to  be getting along
all right, however write quickly, I may not be here long.

Yours truly,

Bob

P.S. I joined the paper - - - - my first chess move is King's pawn to King 4.

(Back of envelope:  U-NO-HOO, 409 Lord, etc.  "Good Lord")